Sammy stared out the window of the train as it traveled through the central valley.  The beauty of the vineyards was lost on him as his mind replayed over and over the humiliation of the last week.  He was grateful the seat next to him was vacant as he felt the warm tears sting his weathered face.

“Lord, why?  I’ve served you all my life, gave you all I had to give, and this is how it ends?”  He prayed under his breath.

His mind skipped through the years he faithfully had served at The Shepherd’s Gate as the pastor.  When his journey there had begun, his hair was full and dark.  He had the love of his life as his bride and two small boys he adored.  Now old and frail, he journeyed alone.  His love had been taken years ago with cancer, and his boys… well, they too had cancer, but theirs was of the heart.  He felt like such a fool!  His mind raced as he searched the recesses of his memory trying to see what everyone else had seen so easily, that his two boys were wretched.  The wave of sorrow flushed his soul again, releasing a new stream of tears.

Sammy had served God wholeheartedly his entire life.  He had also served the church with every ounce of energy he had.  But he now wondered if he had served his boys with the same zeal.  Looking back, he remembered the sting in his spirit at some of the attitudes the boys seemed to both embrace when they were young.  But he said nothing.  He did nothing.  They were good kids, he told himself.  They were in church every Sunday, went to youth group and had good grades. 

But he knew if he was honest, in the deepest recess of his soul he had known something wasn’t right.   What had began as a foothold in their lives as teenagers now had blossomed into full-blown strongholds. He wasn’t even sure if they were saved.  As that thought manifested itself, it felt like his heart was going to explode.  Regret began to seep into his soul like unrelenting flood waters. 

The words from the Board echoed through his mind, “Sam, it’s with great regret that we are unable to confirm your son, Joel, for your replacement as pastor.  And Abe is not going to be able to keep his job as our accountant.”

He had gasped at the revelation as the board members looked away, not wanting to have eye contact with their beloved pastor.  As the meeting spun out of control, he quickly learned that Joel had taken women other than his wife on trips to “scout” out missions opportunities. 

And Abe, though he hadn’t taken other women, he had taken others’ money.  He was cooking the books.  The board had suspected this activity and had hired an outside forensic accountant who verified their suspicions about the money.  They wanted their facts straight when they confronted Sammy.  His sons were unfit to serve.

He had assumed his whole married life that one of his sons would take on his legacy, continue his ministry, but it was not to be.  His boys were not only not going to fill his shoes, but  his church, The Shepherd’s Gate, had asked them to leave.  But the worst was yet to come.  As Sammy sat stunned at the meeting, the board advised him that his replacement upon his retirement was going to be a little less traditional. 

Sammy still could recall how shivers had swept his body.  They explained how they, the board members, wanted to go a new direction and that the church body was ready for some new ideas and excitement.  Sammy was flabbergasted. 

They had three people in mind and asked if Sammy would sit in on the final interviews.  That’s all he could remember about that night.  He left.  Alone.  And now he sat on a train, heading for a sabatical to seek the Lord.   He had a lot to say to God.

                   ONE WEEK LATER

That morning he had gotten to the church for the final vote, but stayed in his car to pray.  It was then that he saw Sal strutting to the board meeting.   He was young, nice-looking and very tall.  His lean frame was bronze, looking like he had just left a tanning salon.  He was a stylish dresser and dripped with confidence and pride. Sammy knew he was the one.  The Board had suggested him, and the Lord had confirmed it.  Sammy just didn’t understand.

He would take Sammy’s place, a place that he had always hoped one of his sons would inherit.  But that was not to be.  The congregation had spoken and apparently God had heard.  They wanted a politically savvy leader and someone that looked good on the outside, a handsome representative for their church.  That was just what they were going to get.  Sammy watched as the slobbering crowd doted on him and vied for his attention.  It made him sick.

“If only they pursued the Lord the way they pursue this guy,” Sammy whispered.

He agonized over the fact that the flock wanted a quick fix and an easy mountain-top experience. Their faith as a whole was in themselves,  what God could do for them.   Sammy was also scared,  scared that maybe God gave them exactly what they wanted:  Mr. Hollywood had arrived.

At first Sal was great.  He was everything to everybody…except his family.  He had five children, three boys and two girls. His wife, Alli, was a beautiful woman who had everything…everything but self-confidence.

Working incessantly, Sal still found time to golf  with the parishioners and dine with the board members.  He was obsessed with the numbers on Sunday and kept tabs on who was giving the most money.  Image was everything to Sal and that included his family.  They seemed to have everything that this world had to offer.  They were attractive, they lived in a beautiful home that was professionally decorated.  But all was not well. 

Sal was demanding and sharp tongued; and his explosive temper seemed to always be just underneath the surface.   His agenda seemed to be built around politics.  He did good for the sake of good, not for God’s sake.  He seemed to war with anyone that disagreed with him, expecting the church to side with him.  And they did.  And they liked the attention. And that became their signature.

Oh, boy.  Trouble in the city.  You already know where this is going.  The church became prideful and self-righteous.  The people were the church, so the people became prideful and self righteous.  Leaders lead and followers follow.  Vanity spread through the church like a plague, and they began to fight wars that weren’t theirs to fight with other denominations, first using God’s name to gain entrance and then destroying the place using the same name.  It became about them.  God never told them to do the things they did.  But unfortunately, they forgot to pray.  They worshipped their leader.  They were getting larger, and God was getting smaller. 

One night Sammy had a dream:  there were  piles and piles of gold, silver,  and jewels.  There was stacks of money, and gold coins were strewn everywhere.  There were deeds to property, titles to boats and cars.  They were all heaped in a pile.  Sammy could see people dancing around the loot, throwing in cash and coins.  The music was loud and wine was flowing.

He could see shadowy figures on the outskirts making deals, rough whispers and pats on the back behind the scene.  People were drunk with delusion and sloppy, fawning over one another.  All at once, the heap of treasures burst into flames.  The fire licked the ceiling and the embers spread in the breeze.  The people stopped and stared.  The music stopped.  The crackling fire was all that could be heard.  Fear began to rise invisibly and float around the people. 

The Lord’s voice boomed, “Your offering to me is meaningless.  You don’t obey me.  My hand is removed from your leader.”

Sammy woke up with a start, his heart pounding.  The storm raged outside, and he could hear the shutters on his home banging in the wind.  His room lit instantaneously from the lightening, and the rain pounded his windows.  He knew.  He knew from all the years he had walked with God.  He knew.  Sal was on his way out.

Yikes!  I had never heard this story before, not until I read it in Mama’s diary.  I guess there is a reason God calls us sheep.  Baah.